Worrying is pure BULLSHIT

"There's no one good enough to be alone." That lyric keeps running through my head. I can't fathom where things went wrong. I can't believe what you said. Just when things get tough that's where you find where you stand, not only amongst others, but in your own hands.

No ones good enough to be alone. That's why we need one another. Otherwise we'd all go mad, until our existence dwindles like the crack of thunder. An echo, a flash, and then it's gone. What else do we have to give, what else do we have to own but fabricated bullshit that we pretend makes us feel like we're not alone. 

There's no one good enough to be alone. Not even the wisest of souls. Not even the most peaceful Buddhist priest, even he needs those who he can leave his mark upon.

No ones good enough to be alone. We need others to share our souls, we need others to remind us that all of this shit should just be buried in a hole, that we need not worry about that which attempts to blind us, that we need not worry about assholes, but of kindness. No one should have time for this shit. No one should care. If it doesn't make us happy we should just let it fall into the wake of our past. We should sail ahead or hell, even swim if that's all we've got left.

Because no ones good enough to be alone.

No single man, nor woman, can make a house a home.

Because then you'd grow old, with no stories to be told, as your life passes by and everyone you held dear goes on without you, leaving behind fear, for no other but yourself, because you let it win.

Don't let fear win. Don't let it be the biggest sin, whether catholic guilt or wills that wilt it will destroy you and make you old and bitter wondering why and how you got to where you aren't, with no one but yourself. 

We cannot let fear win. Our lives are fragile and worth more than this. We shouldn't live in fear or guilt or worry or sadness but with vigor and hope and passion and happiness, sharing love and care for those we hold dear. We should thrive, experience, laugh and cry, together as a whole not only alone. There's too much to lose. Too much to make us feel awful, and who actually wants that? 

I don't know about you but I just want someone to carry through this crazy world, whether on my shoulders or on theirs, it doesn't even matter we can take turns for all I care. All that matters is that we loved and let love, made mistakes and learned, grew and maybe left something behind for others to carry on with. I wanted that with you, I loved you.


©Nicole DeRoy 2015.

I don't even know where to go from here...

We've spent multiple intimate moments together.
Shared some laughs, 
some smiles,
some miles.
Walking, talking, joking, goofing.
exaggerating the miles.
laying entwined in each others skin
not worrying about anything,
nor of sin,
Yet I fear where we stand,
I fear of moments already planned,
of dreams and desires
to distract the hours,
but lest we forget
these moments that are spent,
I'll keep them near and dear
regardless of fear
and hope that we can find a way
to make these memories all but fade
no matter where life takes us
no matter what shakes us
no matter where we stand
as lovers or as friends
I don't want to see the end
so where we walk through the bends
lets remember what we've spent
and just maybe we can make this be
in moments of simplicity
something worth living for.

©Nicole DeRoy 2015.

Love and Life are Peculiar Concepts

I don't even know what I'm doing. 

Ever. 

I try not to think too much into how I live my daily life because thinking is all I ever seem to do anyways and the act of living seems to be my only escape.

Hell, even when I write, when I paint, when I draw, when I indulge in other distractions, I stop mid way to think.

And I don't even care that I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't care about much of anything anymore.

I don't care about most things, all I want is to experience, to have fun, to exist.

I might be a masochist.

I might be chasing death by living fast.

I don't think about consequence, I just think about what I want in the moment and fulfill my reality.

I've discovered that planning ahead or wanting certain things to work out a certain way only breeds complete disappointment, anger, frustration, sadness, weakness, depression, anxiety, and it all begins with that danger of thinking too deeply into the future.

Nothing is certain.
Nothing is real.
Nothing exists unless you make it exist. 
Nothing is what it seems.

So I don't care.

If it makes me feel good in the moment I'm going to do it.
If it makes me happy for the short run I'm going to roll with it.
If it makes me feel alive, I'm going to let it.

Because this life is too short and too quick and death is impending and I don't wanna worry about any of it.

I don't want to worry about the inevitable.

I don't want to worry about anything for that matter.

I just want to be.

and I just want you to "be" ...
with me.

© Nicole DeRoy 2015